Masters of the Universe (1987)

Masters of the Universe arrives from 1987 with the confidence of a toy commercial that has borrowed a sword and a fog machine. Gary Goddard's film strands He-Man on Earth, where two teenagers and a cosmic key become the center of a conflict that should have stayed on Eternia. The cast is overwhelmingly white, which places it firmly outside any modern representation project. There is, however, a minor allowance to be made. Teela, Evil-Lyn, and the Sorceress occupy action and authority positions, and Billy Barty appears as Gwildor. This is not inclusive casting in the contemporary sense. It is simply a genre film from an era when a woman with a sword and a little person with a key could pass for variety.

The film's feminist credentials are similarly thin. Evil-Lyn schemes with real appetite, and Teela is competent in a fight, but the story never questions the order that surrounds them. No LGBTQ themes surface. No racial reckoning occurs. The environment is not a concern, unless we count the desolate matte paintings of Grayskull. Capitalism is not critiqued. The enterprise is capitalism, complete with Mattel oversight and a toy line waiting at the register. Body positivity and neurodivergence are absent. History is not revised because history is not present. The film does not lecture. It does not preach. It wants to entertain children and move merchandise, and it pursues those goals with a directness that borders on honesty.

A camp artifact remains, memorable mainly for Frank Langella treating Skeletor like a Shakespearean tyrant trapped in a Halloween mask. The action is choppy, the Earth sequences are slack, and the whole production carries the scent of a Cannon Group accounting error. Yet it never asks for our approval on moral grounds. It asks for our allowance money. For that reason, its social consciousness is negligible, with only the faintest nods toward capable women and a diverse body type in the cast. The rest is swords, lasers, and a key that plays music. We classify it accordingly, with a straight face and a mild headache.